Blog about having premature ovarian failure and trying donor IVF with my sister's eggs

The elephant in the room

I love the termpink elephant in a room ‘the elephant in the room’.  It is used  a lot by politicians – I first heard it when I moved to Australia two years ago.

There’s a big elephant in the room whenever I talk to my sisters about my husband Ross and my efforts to have a baby.

I have premature ovarian failure which means my stash of eggs has run out early. If I am ever to carry and give birth to our own baby, we’ll have to use another woman’s egg .

My three sisters haven’t offered themselves up as egg donors even though I keep them updated with our progress down this road which includes visits to IVF doctors, counselling sessions and applying for police checks to prove we aren’t pedophiles (I kid you not but that’s a topic for a future blog).

I oscillate between accepting my sisters’ silence and understanding I have no right to expect this of them, while on other days I feel desperately upset they haven’t offered.

On the other hand I have three gorgeous friends who have proffered their ovums.  Their generosity stuns me.

But back to the elephant; my sisters’ silence remains. What should I do?  Ask them straight out and embarrass them into saying yay or nay? Ask my Mum to broker the topic with them?  Ignore it and risk my anger and upset growing to explosive magnitude?  It all sounds pretty hideous but a way will become clear soon.

Then hopefully that big, red elephant will leave the room and go back from whence it came.


Comments on: "The elephant in the room" (2)

  1. I think it’s horrible that they haven’t said ANYTHING about it. I could understand not wanting to do it but I would think the idea has at least occurred to them and they should mention what they think about it. I think that elephant is far too large to leave unattended in the room. You’re obviously upset about their lack of response so I think clearing the air would be a good idea. If it were me, that anger might simmer for a long time but it would eventually explode and that’s probably not the best way to handle it. But if you’re not up for talking to them directly about it, I think it would be fine to have your Mum talk to them.

  2. It depends how close to them you are, and what type of relationship you have. I would ask my sisters out right. But maybe using your Mum as a broker might be the best route to start with, they might have talked about it to her anyway, and they might have good reasons for not offering their eggs. (Maybe they got the impression that it wasn’t what you wanted). But I certainly wouldn’t sit and stew, talk to someone in your family about it.

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