Blog about having premature ovarian failure and trying donor IVF with my sister's eggs

As we infertiles know, having babies is hard work. We jump through physical, emotional and financial hoops to conceive and have our bubs.

But I think the really hard work begins AFTER that. I have just returned from a family holiday where we stayed in an apartment with my sisters and their babies. Meanwhile, a friend has just given birth to twins.

Poo, wee, tears, screaming, fretting and sleepliness featured heavily on our holiday with my four-month-old niece and seven-month-old nephew,  and my friend with the twins has apparently averaged two hours’ sleep a day since their birth two weeks ago.

When I told my Dad (father of five) that we would be trying for a baby using my sister’s eggs, his was a mixed reaction. He was delighted,  but cautious, saying that we seem to have moved on so well over the four years since we found out I have premature ovarian failure. He asked if we were sure we wanted to reopen the ‘trying-to-have-a-baby’ book, which has so far failed abysmally as I have no eggs left.

We have grieved deeply for the biological children we will never have, and have made plans for what to do if donor-egg IVF doesn’t work out and we decide not to adopt.  These plans include more travel and work in Europe, a house extension, business plans and trips to see our friends and family around the world.

My sisters’ babies are also beginning to fill a big gap as we will see the next generation of our family growing up – easing our own desire a little.

We find we oscillate between desperately wanting a child and then not really being fussed anymore, especially as we know being a parent is no walk in the park.  Does anyone else ever feel like this?

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Comments on: "Babies: hard work if you can get it" (4)

  1. Yes, I too sometimes feel like that. For a long time I didn’t have any prospects to help me out with the babymaking and I didn’t want to use a frozen Pop. So I thought maybe I’d just adopt. But that is expensive also. So I began to wonder if I really could do it on my own. I think that thinking about all the things you can do without children is a perfectly healthy way to deal with not being able to have them naturally. I definitely have the travel bug and if I have kids my travel goals will have to take a back seat. Sometimes I’m wistful about that. But mostly I think that having kids is totally worth the lack of sleep and all the work – and giving up or putting off other dreams/goals. Ask any parent and they will tell you they wouldn’t trade them for anything – although occasionally it might cross their minds. It’s just one of those things I know I will not regret doing – ever. But if I don’t do it, and I travel the world, I’m pretty sure I WILL regret not doing it. I can imagine myself old and gray and looking around my house at all my travel souvenirs and photos but not having any kids to share it with. And that saddens me.

  2. Thanks for that – that’s exactly how I feel. I know we will regret not trying for a baby with my sister’s help so we are definitely going to go ahead with it.

    We have to wait until next Feb/March when my sister’s baby is one (the IVF people won’t do it before then) so we have loads of time to get used to the idea and talk about it with my sis and her partner.

  3. I have spent so much time talking with the husband about what’ll happen if we don’t have kids that I almost think it’d be better if we didn’t. And then I stay with firends and see just how relentless it all is and I’m nearly convinced. But then a chance comment or watching a tired toddler crawl onto their Mum’s lap and suddenly the need is as strong as ever. Dammit.

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