Blog about having premature ovarian failure and trying donor IVF with my sister's eggs

Deflated

The nonchalance, needles, lack of yoga, avoidance of alcohol and shellfish didn’t make a smite of difference as my pregnancy blood test came back negative.

I asked my husband how he felt and he said deflated, which is pretty much how I feel. Just numb and flat. As if one of those acupuncture needles (or perhaps it was my blood test needle this morning) has pricked our little balloon of hope.

And I was beginning to convince myself that my sore back was a symptom. Christ knows why it’s sore if I’m not pregnant. How dare it be sore and tease me into thinking it could be a sign!

So now I have to go off all my medication for a few days. That includes the oestrogen that my ovaries no longer make. This means I’ll end up having a horrible hormonal crash in a few days, which is when my period should also start. Brilliant – definitely something to look forward to.

But after all the nastiness, I’ll be able to go back on my oestrogen to start building up my womb lining again. This is something I seem to be good at – my doctor is always pleased with the thickness of my endometrium. So all going well, I could be up for another transfer in a few weeks – how crazy is that?

If we keep going at this rate (rapid fire transfers but no pregnancies), we’ll be through our embryos in no time. Now there are six left. I don’t know why but I am reminded of that nursery rhyme ‘Ten green bottles hanging on the wall’…..do you know it? Hopefully our story will have a different ending…

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Comments on: "Deflated" (6)

  1. Really sorry to hear about your BFN. Its so hard and feels so unfair. In trying to look at the positive side,its great you have some frosties waiting for you & at least you can get straight back into trying again when your ready.

    • Yes, you’re absolutely right. We are so lucky to have the luxury of having these little embryos waiting for us to give them a go, when I know some people don’t have any.

  2. Oh fuck. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to read this news.

    Hang on in there.

    • Thank you – I’m feeling much better now. It somehow makes it more bearable getting comments like yours as I know it’s from someone who understands what it’s like to have this kind of disappointment. Onwards and upwards to the next one!

  3. Oh no! I’m so sorry. I know how much this all hurts. The odds are in your favour BL, and I hope your next FET will be the one. Take care of yourself and I hope the hormonal crash is tolerable xx

    • Thank you – in the end I didn’t get the dreaded hormonal emotional crash, just some hot flushes – hopefully this is all the fall out will be!

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