I always check the toilet paper whenever I go to the loo, scared to see any streak of colour against the white. Last night my worst fears were confirmed, when I started bleeding.
I paged my obstetrician to see what I should do. He had seen me yesterday for a check up and said the baby had seemed fine then and that it was unlikely to be anything serious. But he said to call him in the morning if the bleeding got heavier.
My heart leapt into my throat when it did. It got heavier and redder. My heart sank lower and lower. I got a headache from trying not to breathe. Every movement I made was careful and measured. I barely dared to turn over in bed.
I went to the loo three times in the night and each time I turned on the light to see the water turn murky red in the bowl afterwards.
My husband did his best to comfort me when I started crying, and reminded me that getting upset would only serve to exhaust both me and the baby and that perhaps we should wait until we knew the true state of things. This was a good reminder as it calmed me.
This morning I went to see the obstetrician – still holding my breath. My husband and I were both distracted but trying to keep upbeat and light humoured. We went to our favourite Melbourne coffee shop, Proud Mary, and got coffee and cake beforehand.
Our obstetrician was lovely. He knows about our struggle to conceive and our miscarriage earlier this year. He examined me and proclaimed me in good shape. He then gave me a scan and hallelujah – the baby was still in there, very much alive and kicking.
He said that he could see where a blood vessel had burst in my placenta and said that was probably the source of the bleeding, probably brought on by our amorous activity over the weekend. He was confident that everything was fine and signed me off work for the rest of this week, telling me to have no ‘intercourse’ or any physical activity at all for another month.
We collapsed with relief when we left the surgery. I can’t believe our good fortune.
I am still kind of holding my breath, but have now thankfully stopped bleeding.