Blog about having premature ovarian failure and trying donor IVF with my sister's eggs


Waiting for a baby can seem interminable but it only takes a year - sometimes less - for things to change completely

Waiting to conceive a baby can be unbearably long, lonely and painful but things can turn around so quickly.

In just a year, we have undergone donor IVF with my wonderful sister from New Zealand; conceived, miscarried, had a negative transfer, conceived again and are now awaiting the arrival of our first baby in five days’ time.

Conception and pregnancy followed six years of grief, uncertainty and personal growth, all of which began with my diagnosis of premature ovarian failure at 35.

I grieved then for my young womanhood (going into premature menopause made me feel like an unattractive old crone), my periods (truly!), the children we would never have; our first IVF cycle that yielded zilch eggs and for the life we’d had before my diagnosis.

More recently, we grieved for the little baby we lost last year to miscarriage – it felt like our hearts had been ripped out.

But all the grieving and uncertainty helped us to become more thoughtful, empathetic and kind. It made us rethink what being a beautiful, sexy woman or man really means (it doesn’t mean you have to be fertile) and what life would be like childfree (books called Silent Sorority and Sweet Grapes were particularly helpful).

So what a journey it’s been!  It has been truly remarkable for which we are very thankful.

If it can happen for us, it can happen for others too.  I can’t wait to read about other people’s success stories – I know they are out there, or about to begin.


Comments on: "What a difference a year makes" (8)

  1. tiggyjane said:

    This really gives me a big gorgeous load of hope. I have also had 5 years of failed attempts to get pregnant including 2 years of IVF. A super duper special friend is donating her eggs to us shortly and I have really struggled with feeling this will work for us given all the heartache and failure.

    Thanks for the words. Feels a great connection to know you have had success after a simllar story. big thanks xx

    • I’m so pleased it has given you hope and sorry to hear you have endured years of infertility – it is such an uphill battle!

      But it’s great to hear your friend will be donating to you – what a special person she must be. Whereabouts are you? In Australia there is a forum called Egg Donation Australia which hooks up donors with recipients. It’s also a great place to trade stories and get support from others in a similar situation. If you’re in Australia, would you be interested in joining and sharing your story?

      If not, is there any way I can follow your story? I would love to be able to offer support if poss and if you want it.

      • I am in melbourne australia so will definately join this group. It does feel very lonely being the only one amongst my close friends to have had to go through any of this which is why it feels so cosy to discover your blog.
        I must admit i havent been writing about my story. Quite the opposite. I probably felt that i have only come to terms with it in the last 3-4 months. When i discovered all these amazing women like you writing so openly, coherently and emotionally about their egg donation process i was a tad surprised and pleased to discover kindred spirits. I honestly hadnt thought about writing about my story. Maybe i should. I’d love to know why you started writing about it and the benefts you have found from writing. I feel excited for you and am sure tomorrow is going to be amazing. X

    • Hi Tiggyjane

      It’s great to hear you are in Melbourne. Will you be going to the next Egg Donation Australia catch up in March? If you want some details about it, let me know. It would be lovely to meet you.

      I started writing about my experience as I write for a living, although I write about an entirely different subject so this has been a wonderful, free outlet for me. I am also pretty much anonymous – only one of my friends follows my blog and that’s it – none of my friends or family read it, so it has given me an enormous amount of freedom.

      The best thing about it is knowing that I am giving hope to others in the same boat as me (it sounds corny, but it’s true).

      I’d love to hear your story – hopefully we’ll meet up at the EDA dinner next month

      • I would love info on the march meet. This sounds just the right thing. I have already registered my blog. Yet to post my first entry but thanks for the inspiration and i’ll let u know when it goes up. In the meantime, here’s to tomorrow! i’ll be toasting you and definately love to meet in March. X tiggyjane

      • Ok fantastic. If you decide to join Egg Donation Australia, Trudi is the one online who is organising the March meet. You could contact her directly once you go onto the forum or you could look for the post with all the info. Or if you can’t find the info, let me know and I’ll send it to you. Speak to you soon! x

  2. I hope I am writing a very similar post this time next year!

    • So do I – I’ll be cheering you on. In fact if all goes well with your current cycle, you may have a little babe before a year is up. Fingers crossed for youxx

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