Blog about having premature ovarian failure and trying donor IVF with my sister's eggs

Posts tagged ‘parenthood’

Swallowing our anxiety and treasuring this pregnancy

Our ceramic welcome swallows are our first purchase for our baby's nursery - but we still can't quite admit it for fear of jinxing our pregnancy!

Yesterday we bought our first things for our baby’s room – they might look a little kitch but they are little ceramic swallows from an antique shop which we’re going to put on the wall – but we couldn’t bring ourselves to openly admit they are for the baby as we’re still so scared to jinx this pregnancy.

We admitted to the shop assistant, when she asked us (while eyeing my big belly), that they were for our baby, but on the way home we said that they would also look very nice on the wall of my husband’s record room (he is an ex DJ and has lots of vinyl records).

There is currently this subtext to everything we say and do – ie: that we are planning for our baby, which will hopefully arrive safely at the end of February – but that we can’t allow ourselves the luxury yet of just assuming that it’s going to happen and that all will be OK.

We were the same last weekend, when we went to a Baby Expo in Melbourne but couldn’t bring ourselves to buy anything.

Every week that we get through, we count if off as one week closer to the safe delivery of our baby.

But at the same time, I really want to treasure this pregnancy and not wish it away. I was reminded of this when reading a post on another blog, by a woman who is just about to have her baby tomorrow by c-section.

It’s not that I don’t treasure my pregnancy. I am in fact revelling in it and absolutely loving it – but I think my husband and I need to make sure we don’t wish it away on our journey to parenthood – as it’s as much a part of our baby’s development (as ours) as the birth and parenthood afterwards will be.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Does waiting for a baby make the heart grow fonder?

Given that we have waited so long for this baby I am carrying, and that we have had so many disappointments and jumped through so many hoops to get this far; I wonder if we will have a different attitude to sleepless nights, pooey nappies, endless screaming, loss of income and independence etc?

Unlike my husband and I, the vast majority of women I know (apart from infertiles I have met here online) have fallen pregnant at the snap of their fingers. Their subsequent babies are much loved, but motherhood for many is tinged with varying taints of unhappiness, depression and resentment.

I was reminded of this when we met up with a friend and her husband this weekend, who have a one-year-old daughter. My friend was saying that she couldn’t wait to get back to work after her baby’s birth and that, while she adores her daughter, she would be driven crazy if she had to stay home with her because of the challenges involved with having a child.

I am fascinated to find out how we will find parenthood, given our long struggle to conceive. Will we experience the same as what most of the parents I know have experienced or will we treasure every minute of unpleasantness of difficulty?

Does anyone have any insights on this?