Infertility myth: No real loss so no real grief

Having a miscarriage was what it took for us to get the support we needed for our infertility.

Our miscarriage (last month) followed five years of infertility after I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure. I was told I had already gone through menopause when I was 35. A horrible diagnosis – with the added horrible side effect of infertility.

Being infertile is weird as there is massive loss but nothing tangible to grieve over. You can’t tell a workmate you feel dreadful because you are infertile. You don’t labour with your friends or family over feeling empty and broken-hearted as it just gets boring.

On the other hand, having a miscarriage gives you something to cry over. Our yoga teachers knew; our bosses knew, our close friends and family knew. Their sympathy and thoughtfulness bouyed us in our grief and helped mend some wounds.

Infertiles you know may seem to handle everything just fine but they need your support and help in the same way anyone grieving a loss does. Being asked how they are or acknowledging their loss goes a long way towards comforting infertiles in their (long) time of loss.

Links:
For a basic understanding of infertility
What is infertility? Resolve website

Background on National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW)
National Infertility Awareness Week (US) April 24-30

For those interested in taking part in the infertility myth challenge
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/bust-an-infertility-myth-submission-guidelines.html